Of Regrets and Resolutions

Not this Sunday but the one before we had those kind of lessons that just kind of make you think. And for the last week Ill admit I have don’t a lot of pondering. Our Sunday school lesson was all about the Book of Mormon but part of the lesson focused on how we often take the Book of Mormon for granted and treat it as more of a check list item that is just one more thing we have to do for the day. And then I went on to Relief Society where the lesson was on Elder Uchdorfs conference talk Of Regrets and Resolutions The focus we took during that talk was all on priorities and living up today to who our Heavenly Father knows we are.




As I spent last week pondering on what are my priorities, what excuses am I making and what can I do different I ran across this article on Pintrest. (yes you can begin to see where my priorities are) The article is titled 3 Things I Wish I Knew Before We Got Married  (when I saw the title I got skeptical thinking it would be a world bashier on marriage but was intrigued to read and am glad I did)



The article is broken down into 3 parts. 1) Marriage is not about living happily ever after 2) The more you give to marriage, the more it gives back and 3) Marriage can change the world.



To quickly share a few quotes from it that helped spur my thought process.



“I once read a book that alluded to the idea that marriage is the fire of life—that somehow it’s designed to refine all our dysfunction and spur us into progressive wholeness. In this light, contrary to popular opinion, the goal of marriage is not happiness. And although happiness is often a very real byproduct of a healthy relationship, marriage has a far more significant purpose in sight. It is designed to pull dysfunction to the surface of our lives, set it on fire and help us grow.

When we’re willing to see it this way, then the points of friction in our marriages quickly become gifts that consistently invite us into a more whole and fulfilling experience of life.”

“If one makes their husband or wife priority number one, all other areas of life benefit.”

“Of course, marriage requires sacrifice. And sometimes it will feel as if it takes and takes. However, when we return marriage to its rightful place in our priorities, it can quickly turn from something we have to maintain and sacrifice for into the greatest asset to every other layer of our lives.”

““What’s the most important thing I can do as a father”?…“Go home and love your wife.” …Gary Ezzo and Robert Bucknam, the authors of Babywise, say it this way: “A healthy marriage creates an infused stability within the family and a haven of security for a child in their development process.” They go on to sum up their years of research by saying, “In the end, great marriages produce great parents.” …The point is that marriage has a higher goal than to make two people happy or even whole. Yes, the investment we make into our marriage pays dividends for us. But, concluded by Medina and his colleagues, the same investment also has significant implications for our family, our community and eventually our culture.”



You may be wondering why this article helped spur my thoughts. 1) It relates to how to strengthen home and family (aka marriage) and 2) I strongly feel it expands past more then just my relationship with Kyle and enters into my relationship with my Heavenly.

Both of these relationships are a bi-product of what I put into them. The more I put in the more I get out. We all know that our marriage is 3 way covenient so in my mind it’s a 3 way relationship between me, Kyle and Heavenly Father.

But with out going into all that logic, thoughts and theology my thoughts are focused still on priorities.

I find it funny how we have time in our lives for things like: TV shows, movies, Girls/guys nights out, pintrest, facebook. Crafting, sports, news, internet surfing, a spot free house and perfect yard we seem to never have time for (or feel like they are a burdern) scripture reading, service, temple attendance, meaningful time with our spouse and our children. While these less spirutual things have a place in our life should they really replace what really matters. It keeps striking me as odd when I think about it.

From it all I concluded to try a noble experiment for the the next 31 days (1 month) I should have started on the first but 31 days is still 31 days.

Here is my experiement:

1) Put Kyle first!! Make sure all things I do will make him feel validated, loved supported and needed. Make sure I put his needs first over the non necessaries. If I sense he needs wife time give him more time!! If I know he needs his own time respect it. For example….coming up and putting a nice dinner and the oven and straighting up so he can come home to a clean house will make him feel loved and that I appreciate what he does….this leads to #2

2) Don’t criticize or complain. Don’t complain that I made that dinner, cleaned, etc. Kyle works Saturday morning to earn us some play money for vacations and such. I have made a point lately of doing Sat cleaning while he is gone and not complaining that he didn’t help or demand that he needs to do his list of chores. By me doing everything I can and allowing him to do what he needs or wants after work has resulted in a happier Kyle about working the second job, a happier easier Saturday morning and my favorite (proff of the article) he does little things for me like this Saturday bringing me home a fritter and DP cause he was thinking of me!! That’s a good reward for my cleaning and not complaining. Well so is a happier husband.

3) Invest in my self….what doest that mean. Make sure I take the time to look “presentable” aka put on the cute outfit for outings, wear accessories and jewelries, put on cute makeup, etc. for date nights and my husband…guess what you can still look cute in sweats just don’t make it a norm. Take time for exercise. And yes have a little me time. The logic here…when I feel better I will have a better self estem. I will complain less to Kyle, I will want more us time and be more excited for it.

4) Put the Lord first!!! Before I can ready blogs, play on pintrest, turn on the news, etc I need to take time for a few minutes of scriptures, prayers, etc. I can replace my radio on the drive into work with conference talks. We can plan temple dates just as we do movie nights.



My hope and honestly I truly believe result of this experiment will be a happier me, a happier Kyle a happier marriage. But also one based on love, respect and trust.

Not that I feel we have problems….I just feel like we can take our marriage to that next level. We can take our lives to that next level. But also because I truly believe we will all benefit from putting the first things first. We will have more love, more faith and more spirit and God in our lives.

Please jump on board and join in if you want.