A Year of Kendra

Ok so Ihave been doing a lot of thinking these days, which can be scary I know. Ill admit at times things just feel a little off. I have been feeling as if I am waiting and waiting while nothing seems to be happening. Ill admit I have been feeling like I am just trying to hold things together. Never a good feeling. The funny thing about feeling this way is that there are days, times and moments where I feel so overcome by the spirit and I know I am doing the right thing in my own life.

Well this past weekend I took a mental health day and spent a lot of time thinking, praying and studying. Well the conclusion I came to was just that I have been spending to much time waiting. I want things but am affraid to go after them. I have been playing it safe, afraid to get hurt, and as a result I have just been waiting. I dont know when but I went from creeping along as I waited to simply standing still.

Once I knew that the problem was that I am waiting around and not living proactivly. The question was what to do about it. As I pondered this question I ran across Elder Bedner's talk "Ask in Faith." In his talk Elder Bedner mentioned how praying in faith is not just praying for what you would like, it is acting upon what we are asking for.

As I pondered this talk that answer came. I need to enjoy and live life, stop waiting. Things will happen and fall in place as I do so. But life is not going to come and find me. So what did I decide to do? Simple live a year of Kendra. I got the idea from a girl in my ward who said she was sick of how life was going and decided she was going to make the coming year the best one yet. She spent a year doing anything she wanted to do but lived the year as if it was her best yet. I loved that idea and it has stuck with me. So that is exactly what I am going to do.

I did decide that starting mid-way through the year seems kind of funny. So I decided to start my year of Kendra on November 15, yep my birthday. But here is the thing I dont know what I want to do yet. All I know is I want it to be the best most adventourous year, as if it were my last yet. Here is where I need help, I need suggestions. If you had one year to live what would you do?

Each Life That Touches Ours for Good

One thing I love about riding the train is that it allows me time to think. Truly is not having road rage every morning. This week I have been doing a lot of thinking on a few things. It all started Saturday when I was at Relief Society board meeting and from talking to a friend about what kind of life I live. This got me thinking about why I do live my life as I do.

The first question in my mind I nailed down was why I chose to live the life I do. This one was actually easy to come up with. In life there are a few things I want more then anything else in this world. As much as I like to be in control of my own life there are a few things I simply can not do on my own. There are times and things that on Heavenly Father and Jesus can take care and all we can do is live worthy of their help. This is why I live as I do.

I know the pain that comes from straying off the path, of living a life once consumed in sin. I know the pain of repentance and coming back. I know the despair and darkness when you lose sight of hope and the light of the gospel. I know this all like the back of my own hand. But more then this I know the feelings that come with repentance. I know what it feels life to receive hope to a starving soul. I know how it feels to have the Lord’s loving arms embrace you. I know the joy of repentance. I know both sides and I know the Lords path and plane are the easiest.

This is why I chose to live as I do. I would never willingly chose to return to the other path. I know that Heavenly Father’s path and plan are easier. I know that following Jesus example is the easiest way. Not only because this way to live is easier do I follow it but because why not. They are the only ones who can give me what my heart most desires. I would jump over barrels, skip backwards every day if they asked me to. So why not live the path and example they set. Its no harder, it makes our lives full of joy and it is the only way I can get what I most desire.

The other thing I have been thinking about is why Heavenly Father needs us to live by his example. He needs us to do so because he needs us to reach his children who are struggling. The Lord has entrusted in each of us the divine mission and role of bringing others to Christ. I truly believe that each of us has the ability to touch some one as others can not. We may be the only one who can bring a wondering sole back to him. This is the other reason to live by his example. If not for us then to save another child of God. Heavenly needs us to be his instrument. This comes to what I was thinking about this morning. Yesterday at our visiting teaching home teaching supervisor meeting we talked a lot about how Heavenly Father does not and never will give up on us. But he will never will force himself upon us. Our heart is the only thing we can truly defend. We chose who comes in and to whom we bestow our love. Heavenly Father knows this and he will never force himself upon us. But at the same time he will never give up on us. During the times when our heart is hardened against him, he will work through others to soften our hearts. But he will not give up. No soul is so lost that Christ and Heavenly Father can not find it. This is why we need to live a good life. So we can reach those that Heavenly Father cannot reach himself.

There is a hymn that explains what I am thinking. I actually thought about it today on my way to work. I love the words to the Hymn, “Each Life That Touches Ours for Good.”

1. Each life that touches ours for goodReflects thine own great mercy, Lord;Thou sendest blessings from aboveThru words and deeds of those who love.
2. What greater gift dost thou bestow,What greater goodness can we knowThan Christlike friends, whose gentle waysStrengthen our faith, enrich our days.
3. When such a friend from us departs,We hold forever in our heartsA sweet and hallowed memory,Bringing us nearer, Lord, to thee.
4. For worthy friends whose lives proclaimDevotion to the Savior’s name,Who bless our days with peace and love,We praise thy goodness, Lord, above.
This is why I live as I do. For it is the only way to achieve what my heart desires. More importantly as I realized this morning for it is the only way Heavenly Father can reach those who are struggling.

Quote of the Week for a Few Weeks

My bad. I know I havent switched the quote of the week yet.

"A happy person is not a person in a certain set of circumstances, but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes."-Hugh Downs

My Bad Hobby Obsesion

So if you have spent much time with my you will be aware of one thing, well lots actually but this one is a big one. I have a hobby obsession. I love learning to skills and hobbies. You are probably think oh thats not to bad. Well here is the thing I dont know when to call it quites. If I pick up a hobby I almost always get carried away. I know this comes from two things, 1)Im a perfectionist and 2) I am an overachiever. So here is the thing when I pick up a new hobby I cant just stay with the simple same old same old. Here are a few great examples of what I mean. I college, at Utah State, I thought it would be fun to buy a tree frog. Well I could have stopped with a frog and a cage but I couldnt in the end I had a full blown terrarium, with a real water fall real plants and a lizard not just a frog. HAHA. And jewelry making is another great example. I made my self a necklace and said wow this is fun and now I sell jewelry. HAHA. Sorry to all those who live amongst my obsessions.

So this all comes from a funny desire, and kind of another trait (if I get something on my mind its hard to get it off until I pursue it - I have to try real hard not to think about chocolate ;) ) So for years I have wanted to learn how to make stained glass windows. Well last weekend I bought a sodter kit. Let me tell you it was way fun, aside from a few burns. Well I came to work on Monday and told my coworker about it. Then we got talking about making stained glass windows. I told I always wanted to learn but could not figure out how you melt and make your own glass todo so. Well after she laughed at me she explained thats not how its done. You actually cut your own glass and then sodter the piece together. HAHA he knew it was so simple. But little to say now that I know its doable I got online bought a stain glass window starter kit. As soon as it comes I will be learning my new skill. So be ware it will become an obsession it always does.