Monday, December 7, 2009

Lets See If I Can Blog and Write in My Journal Daily...Here is to the First Day

Today was one of those fun starts to my day. What do I mean? Well I have a weird way of having really realistic dreams and when I do I always think I am in my dream. Weird I know. This morning I was dreaming that I woke up so late that I had to throw on cloths and get out the door. I was frustrated at everyone and everything that I couldn’t get ready. I couldn’t figure out why I slept in and how it happened. When I was caught up in my silly frustration my mom came in and woke me up for real. No I didn’t sleep in way late but I did sleep in kind of late. So I did need to rush to get ready.

Today was a pretty morning though. As much as I hate driving in snow I love everything else about it. My favorite thing in winter is when it dumps snow while you are sound asleep and you wake up to a fresh blanket of snow. I love the look of snow packed roads. I really love in December when it is snowing at night and you look down the road at the snow coming down and the houses with the Christmas lights on, it kind of has a magical feel to it. Only down side to snow….driving in it.

I want to list out what I am grateful for each day of Christmas.

Today I am grateful for the chance I had to go through the temple and receiving my own endowments.

Monday, October 26, 2009

The Cycle of My Year

I was reading a friends blog and felt for her. It can be really hard to go through breakups.

I seem to find my self in the breakup boat more then I enjoy. However, this year seems to be a funny cycle in and of it self. I seem to be not so good at making relationships last, but am proving to be worse at making breakups last.

My year cycle has been this. Date Jared...end relationship...date Jared...end relationship...date Jared...end relationship....and so on. The last couple of weeks we had talked a lot about getting back together. Oddly enough we talked through a lot of our problems and hesitancies of getting back together again. How we feel for each other. Well you name it we discussed it. He was all in it for getting back together..but I was still on the fence.

The end of the story goes like this...I realized our dating was not right. The reasons dont matter. But to sum it up. He and I stand in different places, goals and desires when it comes to the church and life styles.

As I prayed my answer was simple "You know what you know, you know how to live, you know what to do, now do it." With that in mind I knew we couldnt date. The answer felt right and stronger then the pain in my heart of not being able to date. He asked if I would regret not being with him when I looked back on it. I told him I likely would but would regret even more where my life would have ended up and how I would have lived even more.

This weekend I have thought about how hard breakups, or whatever I just went through can be. Its hard to walk away from someone you have something going with. Even more its a great test of faith. This thining has caused me to pull out my good old "What I Wish I Knew When I Was Single" book. I would like to share a part of it for all of us who have gone through a broken heart.

After a while you may begin to ask, "Could I really marry this person? Did I ,make him or her into something that wasnt real?" Slowly but surely, you're coming down to earth. It's ok. It happens to all os us. And, more than likely, the same thing may be going on in the oer person;s mind. usually this will leaad to the someties painful experience we all a break up. It's tough. But after a while, you'll get your courage back and start all again.

Here a few suggestions that might help:
1) Take your time
2) Write!!
3) Change the scenery
4) Be With People
5) Watch Your Mouth
6) Stay Close to the Lord

If you're in a situation like this, here;s some advice: when you break up, break up! Because you may still have concern for the other person, you may be tempet to keep in touch. Sometimes it's better to disappear. It may to be possible to go from eing in a romantic relationship to being "just friends." And although you want to call ech day and say "How are you doing today?" it may be better to leave it alone.

If you've been through a bad breakup, stay close to the lord. he knows what you are worth, and he is the Master Healer. Build your foundation on him, because he is the rock, the only sure foundation. and this rock will never break up.

Bottom line; Breakups are a part of life for everyone. They're hard. They hurt. But they can teach us empathy and make us better people in the long run. Learn what you can, be patient with yourself as you heal, and keep the faith. Just don't let breakups break you up.


I know its hard. I have found my self in the break up cycle time and time again. This year has been extra hard becuase I have found my self playing out this cycle multiple times with the same person. I am not the greatest at breakups. But know what I have learned this year. The Lord is there and loves us. The breakups are worth it, the relationship was worth it. They teach us many lessons and shape us. We become a better person, future girlfriend, future husband, future mom, etc. becuase of these relationships and breakups not despite of them.

Hang in there. Love the Lord. Hold the course and keep hope of the future burning bright in your hearts.

So I Get IT I Havent Blogged In A Long Time

So I have had a few people express to me I havent blogged in awhile.

There are many reasons for this:
FIRST: I have been way busy with my new calling. In August I was set a part as the new relief society president for my ward. Lets say it takes a lot of time, but all good time.
SECOND: Lack of free time. When I have it blogging seems to be last on my list. Now you can see why I am horrible with journal writing. :)
THIRD: My mind seems to have been preoccupied with other things.

What have I been up to:
FIRST: Work. Simply put has been extra busy. But that is how August-October seems to go.
SECOND: I took up biking. I really want to start competing in triathlons next year.
THIRD: Running. What a big surprise there. I am telling you I love running. I hate it when I have to miss a few days. :(
FOURTH: Lots of fun with friends. (Trust me much needed to) I love girls nights, haunted houses, parties, movies, dinners and much much more.

So my goal is to be better at blogging and....believe it or not....try to write in my journal. You are all likely dying of shock right now. By the way Melissa thanks for the wonderful advice you gave on journal writing. You once taught me journals are a good way to track your life. When you feel lost and confused you can go back to your journals and see how you got there. What better reason do you need.

You all have permission to hold me to these goals.

Friday, August 28, 2009

Summer In Recap

Summer has come to an end. I most say this makes me laugh, once I finished college summer became more of a time when it was hot...no real change to daily life. I do like that summer means races, but no need for heat. Any how on to the point....

...I realized I need to update my blogg....

...I stoped becuase it never crossed my mind. July and August have been very mental and emotional rollarcoasters....so I just never thought about it.

So I decided a summer re-cap will have to suffice....

1) A on-again off-again relationship....yep thats right I feel into that trap. I swore I never would but I did. Jared and I dated on again and off again for months. But July 4th weekend I decided it was time to be done with dating him for good. This began the emotional rollarcoaster. Trying to figure out how I end up dating good guys that need to figure life out.

2) My seven year good luck streak of never talking in church came to an end. I had the chance to speak in church pioneerday weekend. I spoke on Charity...one of my favorite topics.

3) One church calling came to and end for another to begin. Hense the continuation of the emotional rollarcoaster. This time it was all good. I have been able to spend a lot of time praying and studying. Supper good note it put emotional July into perspective.

4) Running...I posted on most races but one. I ran the Farmington Days Half Marathon and took 3rd in my age group. Not bad. One bad note....I know really want to work on my speed and becoming a more competitve runner. Not much of a surprise that things can turn competitve with me and sports.

5) A girls trip to San Diego with my mom and sister to see Whicked, go to Sea World and play on the beach.

6) Ward trip to Jackson Hole. I love that place. Hightlights...rafting, moose in camp, and thunderstorms

7) I have decided on my next challenge in life. I am going to start training for a triathalon. This week I got my brand new bike.

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Dream Big

When you cry be sure to dry your eyes
'Cause better days are sure to come
And when you smile be sure to smile wide
Don't let them know that they have won
And when you walk, walk with pride
Don't show the hurt inside
Because the pain will soon be gone

And when you dream, dream big
As big as the ocean blue
'Cause when you dream it might come true
When you dream, dream big

When you laugh be sure to laugh out loud
'Cause it will carry all your cares away
And when you see, see the beauty all around and in yourself
And it'll help you feel okay
And when you pray, pray for strength
To help you carry on
When the troubles come your way

And when you dream, dream big
As big as the ocean blue
'Cause when you dream it might come true
When you dream, dream big

When you laugh be sure to laugh out loud
'Cause it will carry all your cares away
And when you see, see the beauty all around and in yourself
And it'll help you feel okay
And when you pray, pray for strength
To help you carry on
When the troubles come your way

And when you dream, dream big
As big as the ocean blue
'Cause when you dream it might come true
When you dream, dream big

Sunday, July 5, 2009

Happy 4th of July...or Can I Say "First"

Can I say the best race ever....well I will.

I ran my traditional annual 4th of July Kaysville Rotary 10k.

Some highlights as to why it was so good:
1) I PR it was my fastest 10k yet.
2) I averaged 8:29 minute miles...lets see if I can hold that for another 7 miles. My goal is to run a half with 8:30 minute miles or faster...overall goal PR on a half and eventually run one in under an hour and fifty minutes. All I have to do is become a runner (live as a runner)
3) And why is was the best.......I got first in my age group and 21st overall. Yippee so worth it to.

HAPPY 4TH OF JULY!!!!!

Sunday, June 28, 2009

Wasatch Back 2009 "We love to run"

So last weekend, June 19-20th, me and eleven other crazy runners from the ward thought it would be fun to run the Wasatch Back relay. (Here is brief journey through our 30+ hour journey, I kept it brief.)


To start the Wasatch Back is a 188 mile relay race from Logan to Park City. Each team is made up of 12 runners, each running 3 legs. I was runner three on our team. Total I ran 18.6 miles, slept two hours, spent time in heat, rain and way to much in the car. But what can I say I love to run. And as an addition to why this race is so crazy...you never stop. You run through the night. Our team ran the race in 29 hours and 25 minutes. WOW!!! Thats a whole lot of go.

Us at the start of our journey. Note please we look human and a live.


Me preparing to begin my first leg. Lets just say it was one hot afternoon. Curse the sun and heat.


In the middle of my leg. Remember curse the dang heat. I thought I was going to die. Yes Ill admit I questioned my sanity, just for a moment.


And my leg family came to an end. Yippeee!!!


The whole team, well sort of. We were preparing to start our second set of legs. Time to run through the night. The exchanges were the best challenge of all. You had to time things just right for each van to meet up. What a fun game.

So leg two didnt get photos. that would be the fun of running in the dark. Big note from leg two....I remembered why I love to run. After our second leg we headed to the local high school for a good night of sleep...aka roll into the school at 3:30 am sleep on wrestling mats in a humid gym with hundreds of strangers...wake up at 5:30am to get ready to run again.

Leg three was a the hardest run. Up hill, 8 miles long and no sleep. I had a mixture of pure running joy (yes I loved parts), wanting to cry and die, and the best part wanting to lie down and sleep.

And we finally made it. All good things have to come to an end.

Friday, June 5, 2009

This Sounds Like Fun

The first FIVE people to respond to this post will get something, handmade or homemade, from me! However there are some restrictions and limitations:

1- I make no guarantees that you will like what I make.
2- What I create will be just for you.
3- It will be done sometime within a year from now.
4- You have no clue what it's going to be
5-I have to know you so that I can customize the gift!

The catch is if you choose to do this, you must post this on your blog and be ready to make something for five people too. This will be fun! When you receive the fabulous item I make you, you must post a picture of it on your blog!

Sunday, May 31, 2009

Girls Trip to Park City


On Friday me and and a bunch of my friends, friends from Omega, decided to take an over night trip to Park City. Here is how O-Gals play!


Our lot after a morning filled with shopping. (PS the pictures are in reverse order, so this would be Saturday morning)



Brittney and I, with our carrier bags.

The cutest boutique like store ever. If I had all the money in the world I would buy shoes and purses here!

Where we ate dinner! Yummy yummy pizza.

The cutest bookstore ever! I could live there.

Rub-adob-dob three in a tub. The hotel room had the biggest tub ever. All six of us could fit.

All six of us in the tub!

Outside the cutest bookstore. We bought a Madlibs book and had a blast that night.

My new boyfriend, Franz the bear.

Just dancing.


So this would be how O-Gals spend a weekend.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

What Have I Done for All of April and Part of May

Yep! I know I have been MIA the last little while. WHY? Simple....his name would be Jared. Opps my bad, even when dating I should blog. Silly me.

To say the least I decided to give the dating and love thing another try.

I meet Jared in my singles ward back in October. For awhile we just talked at ward activities. Then at one infamous ward activity at the Grizzlies hockey game we started truly flirting. I lost the bet of who would win the game and owed him 10 dates (might I add I only paid up 2 of them, his loss there.) From that Friday night one we spent a lot, almost every night together and hanging out. When we were not together we texted all day long. Good thing I have unlimited texts.

While we dated I had fun experiencing total not Kendra events:

-Like a triple date with a bunch of law students. Me being the only one who has a lot of idealistic views on society

- I learned how to shot a handgun

- I learned a lot about the not so fun world of MMA, still dont get why guys like

- Learned a lot about fashion. Not my thing to be way all into designer labels

- Starting watching reality TV, again not my thing

- Went out to eat at several fun resturants.

- Best lesson, I realized that to date we have to flirt. Go figure. I forgot that one over the past couple of years.

But alas the two of us just didnt click enough to make a serious relationship. Well sort of true. We both were on the same page of exclusive dating and wanting to see where things would go. As he put it he could see us getting serious. But we both realized we would have to change to much about our selves to be together.

So once again Im single! But not bitter this time through. Im ready for more from the dating world. Im not as afraid as I was. Thanks for helping me out there Jared.

PS. I debated posting much about our relationship sense it did not last. I didnt want grief about why it didnt work out, or if we could worked things out. But I decided I would rather risk that grief then have the grief being asked why I am not dating.

The funniest thing about everything is I told my self that my next relationship, after dating Jonny, would be the one to stick. I had a funny idea in my head that I could hold out and the next guy I kissed would be the one I married. What was I thinking there. So to say the least maybe that will be true the next time through. Or maybe I can get a large number before I get married. Not sure I would like that.

Final leason learned...no more J names. Jason, Jonny, Jared. It gets a little confusing.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

All About Soul, Billy Joel

She waits for me at night, she waits for me in silence
She gives me all her tenderness and takes away my pain
And so far she hasn't run, though I swear she's had her moments
She still believes in miracles while others cry in vain

It's all about soul
It's all about faith and a deeper devotion
It's all about soul
'Cause under the love is a stronger emotion
She's got to be strong
'Cause so many things gettin' out of control
Should drive her away
So why does she stay?
It's all about soul

She turns to me sometimes and she asks me what I'm dreaming
And I realize I must have gone a million miles away
And I ask her how she knew to reach out for me at that moment
And she smiles because it's understood there are no words to say

It's all about soul
It's all about knowin' what someone is feelin'
The woman's got soul
The power of love and the power of healin'
This life isn't fair
It's gonna get dark, it's gonna get cold
You gotta get tough, but that ain't enough
It's all about soul

There are people who have lost every trace of human kindness
There are many who have fallen, there are some who still survive
As she comes to me at night and she tells me her desires
And she gives me all the love I need to keep my faith alive

It's all about soul
It's all about joy that comes out of sorrow
It's all about soul
Who's standing now, who's standing tomorrow
You've got to be hard
As hard as the rock in that old rock 'n' roll
But that's only part, you know in your heart
It's all about soul

Monday, May 11, 2009

Beautiful World Lyrics- Song by Dierks Bentley

I love this song by Dierks Bentley

All the noise and the voices are screamin'
What they have to say
And the headlines and sound bytes are givin' me Demons to hate
And the man on TV He tells me it's ugly
But if you ask me
It's a beautiful world
It's a beautiful world
There's tears and there's fears and there's losses and crosses to bear
And sometimes the best we can do is just to whisper a prayerAnd press on because
There's so much to live for and so much to love
In this beautiful world
Say what you will but I still believeIt's a beautiful worldIt's a beautiful world
And I know (I know)I'm not dreamin'I just choose (choose) to believe it
So I hate that I sometimes miss what's right in front of my eyes, oh
And I know at the end of my road I'll be wantin' more time
Just another sunset
One more kiss from my baby
A smile from a friend
In this beatiful worldIt's a beautiful world
Yeah, it's a beautiful world
Say what you will, but I still believeIt's a beautiful world
Yeah, it's a beautiful world
Oh, it's a beautiful world

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Where Have I Been

So I know I have not updated my blog in well a really long time. So here are some highlights of what I have been up to:

- This will sound funny. I have cut back on running to help my running. I hurt my knee while skiin in Jackson. And now that I dont have a coming race I have decided to give it a chance to get all the way better. Now it has and I am adding in all my runs again.

- Tending Bairds. Yep I did it again. This was a really relaxed time tending. The kids and I just hung out and played at home for most of the time.

- And well as my life goes social stuff. I am loving FHE, been hanging out with good friends and been dating. Cant complain.

- Best of all its spring time!

Sunday, April 12, 2009

A Thought to Live By

Life is short
Break the rules
Forgive quickly
Kiss slowly
Love truly
Laugh uncontrollably
And never regret anything that makes you smile

On of My Favorit Hymns

This weekend I have done a lot of thinking...and decision making. The best part is how old friends can come out of the wood work to touch our lives when we need it most. All of this caused me to ponder upon one of my favorite hymns.

1. Each life that touches ours for good
Reflects thine own great mercy, Lord;
Thou sendest blessings from above
Thru words and deeds of those who love.

2. What greater gift dost thou bestow,
What greater goodness can we know
Than Christlike friends, whose gentle ways
Strengthen our faith, enrich our days.

3. When such a friend from us departs,
We hold forever in our hearts
A sweet and hallowed memory,
Bringing us nearer, Lord, to thee.

4. For worthy friends whose lives proclaim
Devotion to the Savior’s name,
Who bless our days with peace and love,
We praise thy goodness, Lord, above.


I truly believe that God sends individuals into our life for planed purpose. We can never know when they will come and often we dont know why. But when they pass from our lives they leave a permanent mark and hold a place forever in our hearts.

To all those out there who have touched my life in this way I thank you.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Elder Prince's Blog

You should all check out Elder Prince's blog. I post all of Matt's emails there.
Loves!

50 Random Facts About Me

  1. I only like pink and yellow starbursts, the rest are not worth eating.
  2. I only like the red bag of skittles. (Can I just say stick with original candy, no need for new flavors)
  3. I love any candy with peanut butter
  4. I love dark chocolate
  5. I love Dots and Williwonka candy.
  6. I love starburst jelly beans
  7. If the candy item is non of the above I likely wont eat it. No Joke.
  8. However I am way less picky with desserts. If it is minus Bananas Im game for anything.
  9. I love pasta and noodles. If a food item includes these I am totally for it.
  10. I am not terribly wierd about processed meats.
  11. Italian food- Im in!
  12. I love hobbies. If I get a chance to learn something new I will. Whether I stick with it is another story.
  13. When I do stick with a hobby I go overboard.- It’s a guarantee.
  14. I have always wished I was Irish.
  15. My favorite animals are: owls, rabbits, leopards, cheetahs, dolphins and monkeys.
  16. I love shark shows.
  17. My favorite ride at Disney Land would have to be Peter Pan
  18. I love Yellow Stone and would live their if I could
  19. My favorite ride ever is Alpinegiest at Bush Gardens
  20. I love Crime Shows, CSI, NCIS, With Out A Trace- Im all over them
  21. I have a fixation with Twilight and Harry Potter, they are just fun
  22. I am a little accident prone. I have had three broken bones and stitches in my hand.
  23. I have always wanted to learn to scuba dive.
  24. I absolutely hate ants, but have no problem with spiders.
  25. I am not grossed out by warms. I once started a worm hospital
  26. I rarely drink carbonation. It took me a whole weekend to drink one DR Pepper when I had the flue.
  27. I am way paranoid when I go to hotels.
  28. I am terrified of heights. I nearly passed out on the Cliff Hanger, the last time I went rock climbing I broke down into tears over the height- did I mention I only made it about five feet up. I cant even watch movies with heights in them, I have to close my eyes.
  29. I love scary movies! But cant stand haunted houses or people startling me.
  30. I am the most ticklish person ever.
  31. I have no clue how to punch or hit well.
  32. I have zero sense of direction. If I can get turned around I will.
  33. I love to play the piano.
  34. I have an extra bone in each wrist.
  35. I would rather wear a skirt or dress over jeans and pants.
  36. I love jet skis and wave runners.
  37. I love to snow ski but cannot figure out how to water ski.
  38. My favorite movie off all times would have to be the Bourne Series.
  39. I love the wind and severe weather. I would love to be in a hurricane and experience a tornado.
  40. I want to learn how to Sail.
  41. I love being outside.
  42. Swinging is my favorite way to think things over.
  43. I prefer batter over the backed product.
  44. I hate bananas
  45. I can sleep any where and sleep like a rock. Have fun though I do tend to talk in my sleep and have been known to carry on conversations in my sleep.
  46. I hate roses but love lilies.
  47. I have a weird desire to run into a bear in the wild
  48. I want to swim with dolphins!
  49. I am allergic to shellfish and bees.
  50. I will squirm in fear when I see a bee.
  51. And so much more I just cant think of anything.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

My Conference Weekend


Oh how I love conference weekend. And for some reason this one was extra great.
I had a great weekend. On Friday night I went to the Grizzlies Hockey game with a group from my ward. During the game I ended up making a bet with a guy in my ward (ps I have had a crush on him for months and the bet was so all his doing- I thought it was a great idea and went along with it). We made the bet that for every time Alaska scored I owed him a date and for every time the Grizzlies scored he owed me one. And if it was a shut out one of us would owe the other ten dates. To say the least I totally lost the bet- though it still a win. After the game Brittney and I hung out and some much deserved and needed girl bonding.
On Saturday. I of course watched conference- though I kind of slept through half of it. Hint don't watch conference in your hammock. After conference my mom, Heidi and I went and saw the Ballet Russets at Capitol Theater. I have to admit it was one of my favorites. I love Ballet and traditional tutu ballets. But new age ballets and modern ballets are always more entertaining for me.
Sunday was the same traditional conference watching family dinner. You want to know something sad. I lost at Mario Cart to a four year old. Very humbling. HAHA. Though I have never been much good at it. After the family party I went and hung out with Jared. It was a very highly night of watching the ACM awards. ;)
Ok on to conference. I have to say this conference touched my heart unlike any others before. It was all thanks to President Eyrings and Elder Hollands talks.
First President Eyrings. To the say the least his talk has been one of my two guiding principals in life. Ever sense I have received my patriarticle blessing I have welcome trails with my arms wide open. I know that Heavenly Father is building us to be great people. He has a plan and a purpose. In order to achieve these we need to be refined and grow-thats what our trials our for. Never lose hope and stay close to the Lord, he will not fail us. I loved how he noted to welcome the trails that come our way and by doing so we will be able to endure them with a smile on our face and not bitterness in our hearts.
Second Elder Hollands talk. (By far my favorite. Note the picture at the top of this post. The TV put it up during his talk. Years ago, when I was first headed down the hardest road of my life. I asked for that picture for Christmas. My family will all remember it I cried like a baby when I opened it. The picture is at the head of my bead and follows me were ever I live.) Why I like this talk? Easy its how I feel about life. Christ is our greatest friend. Years ago when I slipped into a series of addictive and potentially destructive sin I lost touch with Heavenly Father and Jesus. I no longer believed they could love me and that the atonement could possibly work for me. I turned my back on the possibility and on them. During the darkness of those months and years I was able to run across some amazing scriptures and the faith and love for Jesus and Heavenly Father and their love for me. As the light was coming back was when I was blessed to visit Palmyra. While there I prayed in the sacred grove to know if Heavenly Father and Jesus could possibly love me. The answer I got was in line with Elder Hollands talk. Yes..they love me and always have. Yes Jesus has suffered alone so I never have to. Yes they are waiting, they are forgiving and they love me. Sense that day came the second yet most powerful guiding principle for me, how much Christ and Heavenly Father loves us. They are always there and will never forsake us.
This is why I loved conference. It brought back the memories of these special moments and renewed in me the truths I know and love. Christ is our advocate and our friend. He is always there. He loves each of us and in turn we get to live our life in such away to show our love back to him.

Great Songs and a Great Life

I have not been updating to much lately. Mostly because I have been doing a lot of thinking the past couple of months, plus I have not been up to much lately.

I did decide to update on how my heart has been feeling lately. I have to admit the past year and half have been very entertaining. Full of highs and lows, I would have to say a lot of lows with emotions involved in dating. Ill admit I was in a place where I decided to focus on me and not so much on dating. I have to admit its been a smart decision. I have grown a lot and had a ton of fun...thanks a lot to Brittney (our girl nights have been a huge help and bonus.)

Part of my holding back on dating was a total secret wish that the past could change and be made right again. But over the last couple of months I have come to realize that I did not care so much about that any more. With out being awar of it my heart was closing the door to the past and preparing for the future. As I have written my little brother about, in a lot of my letters to him. My heart and mind keep feeling like the future and blessings are right infront of me waiting to be handed to me. Well a few weeks ago, or maybe a month or so ago, I decided I was ready. I made the decission to dable in the future, risk getting hurt, put trust in others and love again. I decided it was risk being hurt to find love and the future.

So all that said. I bought the new Keith Urban CD, yea I know your thinking wow she is relating life to a song again. But I seem to do this a lot.

Here are two songs from his CD that totally discribe how I have been feeling.

"If I Could Ever Love"
I used to cry out in the middle of the night Baby hold me tight But there was no one beside me when I opened my eyes Now I turn the corner of those days and nights Something inside me changed and I think I might Be starting over I don't wanna run Oh no, cause you might be the one, baby If ever I could love I think it could be with you If ever thought I found somebody so true I wonder if you feel The same way that I do If ever I could love I think it could be with you You know I can't read your mind love But it seems to me That your heart and mine tonight are Defying gravity There's something so familiar And still so unknown The closer we get I swear it feels like coming home And I'm ready to be brave Oh yea and you look at me say If ever I could love I think it could be with you If ever thought I found somebody so true I wonder if you feel The same way that I do If ever I could love I think it could be with you If ever I could love If ever I could love If ever I could love If ever I could be If ever I could love Oh yeah no way If ever I could love I think it could be with you If ever thought I found somebody so true I wonder if you feel The same way that I do If ever I could love I think it could be with you I was scared to love again Till the day that came When she walked out of my life I got hurt so bad I swear i'd never let another inside this heart of mine But you touch my hand and every plan that I had Disappeared like a fallen star There's a new beginning and i'm moving to the rhythm Of a beating braver heart A braver heart If ever I could love, oh oh If ever I could love, yea yea

"Kiss A Girl" - Ok its the concept behind this song. I get it Im a girl, but its the idea behind the song.

To kiss and tellIt’s just not my styleBut the night is youngAnd it’s been a whileAnd she broke my heartBroke it right in twoAnd it’s fixing timeBut I’m feeling like I’m finally ready toFind, find somebody new
I wanna kiss a girl,I wanna hold her tight,And maybe make a little magic in the moonlightDon’t wanna go too farJust to take it slow,But I shouldn’t be lonely in this big ol’ worldI wanna kiss a girl
It’s that moment whenYou start closing inFirst you’re holding back,Then surrenderingIt can start a fire,Light up the skySuch a simple thing,Do you wanna try?Are you ready toSay goodbyeTo all these blues?
I wanna kiss a girl,I wanna hold her tight,And maybe make a little magic in the moonlightDon’t wanna go too farJust to take it slow,But I shouldn’t be lonely in this big ol’ worldI wanna kiss a girl
‘Cause, baby, tonightIt could turn into the rest of our livesOh yeahAre you ready?(Are you ready?)Are you ready(Are you ready)To cross that yellow line?Put your lips on minePut your lips on mine, baby
Do you wanna try?Are you ready toSay goodbyeTo all these blues?
I wanna kiss a girl,I wanna hold her tight,And maybe make a little magic, babyDon’t wanna go too farJust to take it slow,I don’t want to be lonely,I shouldn’t be lonelyI wanna kiss a girl,I wanna hold her tight,And maybe make a little magic in the moonlightDon’t wanna go too farJust to take it slow,But I shouldn’t be lonely in this big ol’ worldI wanna kiss a girl
I said I wanna kiss a girlWhoa-ho whoa-hoI wanna kiss a girlI wanna hold her tight,I wanna make a little magicOut under the moonlight
Oooh I wanna kiss a girl.

Sunday, April 5, 2009

My Personality Type

I was bored the other day so I took a personality type. Funny how true the results are.

As an ENFJ, you're primary mode of living is focused externally, where you deal with things according to how you feel about them, or how they fit into your personal value system. Your secondary mode is internal, where you take things in primarily via your intuition.

ENFJs are people-focused individuals. They live in the world of people possibilities. More so than any other type, they have excellent people skills. They understand and care about people, and have a special talent for bringing out the best in others. ENFJ's main interest in life is giving love, support, and a good time to other people. They are focused on understanding, supporting, and encouraging others. They make things happen for people, and get their best personal satisfaction from this.

Because ENFJ's people skills are so extraordinary, they have the ability to make people do exactly what they want them to do. They get under people's skins and get the reactions that they are seeking. ENFJ's motives are usually unselfish, but ENFJs who have developed less than ideally have been known to use their power over people to manipulate them.

ENFJ's are so externally focused that it's especially important for them to spend time alone. This can be difficult for some ENFJs, because they have the tendency to be hard on themselves and turn to dark thoughts when alone. Consequently, ENFJs might avoid being alone, and fill their lives with activities involving other people. ENFJs tend to define their life's direction and priorities according to other people's needs, and may not be aware of their own needs. It's natural to their personality type that they will tend to place other people's needs above their own, but they need to stay aware of their own needs so that they don't sacrifice themselves in their drive to help others.

ENFJ's tend to be more reserved about exposing themselves than other extraverted types. Although they may have strongly-felt beliefs, they're likely to refrain from expressing them if doing so would interfere with bringing out the best in others. Because their strongest interest lies in being a catalyst of change in other people, they're likely to interact with others on their own level, in a chameleon-like manner, rather than as individuals.

Which is not to say that the ENFJ does not have opinions. ENFJs have definite values and opinions which they're able to express clearly and succinctly. These beliefs will be expressed as long as they're not too personal. ENFJ is in many ways expressive and open, but is more focused on being responsive and supportive of others. When faced with a conflict between a strongly-held value and serving another person's need, they are highly likely to value the other person's needs.

The ENFJ may feel quite lonely even when surrounded by people. This feeling of aloneness may be exacerbated by the tendency to not reveal their true selves.

People love ENFJs. They are fun to be with, and truly understand and love people. They are typically very straight-forward and honest. Usually ENFJs exude a lot of self-confidence, and have a great amount of ability to do many different things. They are generally bright, full of potential, energetic and fast-paced. They are usually good at anything which captures their interest.

ENFJs like for things to be well-organized, and will work hard at maintaining structure and resolving ambiguity. They have a tendency to be fussy, especially with their home environments.

In the work place, ENFJs do well in positions where they deal with people. They are naturals for the social committee. Their uncanny ability to understand people and say just what needs to be said to make them happy makes them naturals for counseling. They enjoy being the center of attention, and do very well in situations where they can inspire and lead others, such as teaching.

ENFJs do not like dealing with impersonal reasoning. They don't understand or appreciate its merit, and will be unhappy in situations where they're forced to deal with logic and facts without any connection to a human element. Living in the world of people possibilities, they enjoy their plans more than their achievements. They get excited about possibilities for the future, but may become easily bored and restless with the present.

ENFJs have a special gift with people, and are basically happy people when they can use that gift to help others. They get their best satisfaction from serving others. Their genuine interest in Humankind and their exceptional intuitive awareness of people makes them able to draw out even the most reserved individuals.

ENFJs have a strong need for close, intimate relationships, and will put forth a lot of effort in creating and maintaining these relationships. They're very loyal and trustworthy once involved in a relationship.

An ENFJ who has not developed their Feeling side may have difficulty making good decisions, and may rely heavily on other people in decision-making processes. If they have not developed their Intuition, they may not be able to see possibilities, and will judge things too quickly based on established value systems or social rules, without really understanding the current situation. An ENFJ who has not found their place in the world is likely to be extremely sensitive to criticism, and to have the tendency to worry excessively and feel guilty. They are also likely to be very manipulative and controling with others.

In general, ENFJs are charming, warm, gracious, creative and diverse individuals with richly developed insights into what makes other people tick. This special ability to see growth potential in others combined with a genuine drive to help people makes the ENFJ a truly valued individual. As giving and caring as the ENFJ is, they need to remember to value their own needs as well as the needs of others.

Jungian functional preference ordering:

Dominant: Extraverted Feeling
Auxiliary: Introverted Intuition
Tertiary: Extraverted Sensing
Inferior: Introverted Thinking