Hmmm A Blog Post....What Is That?

So its probably time to post on my blog again (especially seeing as I made it cute to encourage me to post) Thats funny....what was my crazy logic there. I guess the same as my logic of buying a cute new journal that I never actually touch.

Any how the last month I have spent in my own kind of self absorbed pitty party world. The last month has been so full of changes and adjustments that I have just sat back and absorbed them and watch things move along with out really doing much about them. Heaven forbid I think I have been slipping into the be acted upon and not react state of mind.

A few changes/things I have let go/the oh go figures I guess thats life with no clue what to do about it:

1) Breaking up with Russ. The short of the story here....well after 5 months of dating I thought it was time we talk about things. Lets face it in the back of my mind I had been hoping and planning for things to move to the road of marriage. So I was so content with where I was because the heck with it all I figured in a few months I would be engaged and not have to face life by my self anymore. But when we talked I learned that he is not sure how he feels about marriage in general, that he is highly skeptical of it all. That left me with a choice...stand by and wait and keep dating and see where things go....or break up. Well from my relationship with Jared I learned a few things: 1) Dont stand by and keep dating if there a lot of red flags that they can ever commit. There comes a point that even if there is still months of developing a relationship and working things out you have to commit to the two of you. 2) If the relationship and person doesnt leave you wanting to be with them all the time...then there really isnt anything to fight for. If you cant stand the thought of not having them around then its time to let them go. So summary of that ramble is simple...with Russ I didnt feel the click and connection enough to stick it out and see if he ever changed his mind set. He is a really really good guy and treated me well but honestly our goals, directions and approach to life where so different that it would have been a marriage/relationship based on the wrong things.

2) Well with breaking up Im left single...what does that mean...I have to date again. Oh waite a minute the last 2 years have been spent in one 18 month on again off again but more on again relationship with Jared and a 5 month relationship with Russ. What does this mean. Well...in the last 24 months I have not really been single for more then 2 months between Russ and Jared. So my thoughts: 1)How do you flirt again? 2)How do you do a first date? 3)Where do you meet guys? 4)Oh yea thats right...when dating you pretty much put your social life out side of him and close friends gets put on hold....hello wake up call...I havent really devoted much time the last 2 years to developing new friendships. woops

3) Really just wanting casually dating unless a really good guys comes along. I am just not in the mood or ready to yet again face another relationship. Now if its a completely natural easy relationship where things just move along...hmmm I wouldnt be against it. But trying to build a relationship...well not right now. I just want easy. My qualm here.....people seem to keep asking about my dating life and who I am I dating...do I really have to be? Come one whats wrong with casual dating just meeting new people...maybe dating myself for a while

4) Oh yes....once again I have to support my self as a pretty diamond ring is not on its way. How do I do this...well for now my job is great...but its time to look for higher pay :)

***Now yes...I understand that 1-4 where oh so pitty party... but what can I say. I told you somewhere in my mind I really thought I was going to be getting married. So I have been thrown for a lop.***

My oh so fun things that I let go along the way or just happeneds....
5) Completely new singles ward. I have been nervous about this change. I went to my old ward for almost 6 years. So this change is kind of scary. But I got a new calling and will be working close with amazing girls I knew in high school. I think this could all work out well. Be brave girl :)

6) Whoops I forgot to really try and lose weight....I decided its time to lose those nasty 20 lbs I put on over the rollar coaster of the last 2 years. So weight watchers online and me are now friends. And I am really going to do it

7) Deciding not to be afraid of a possible hernia again and going to the Dr. I have been putting off severe groin pain sense my hernia surgery convinced it was a small hernia or a problem with the surgery needing another surgery...Well what was it. An MRI latter to confirm the diagnosis...tendenosis...what the heck is that heck. Basically chronic damage to my tendon in my groin. So series and years of micro tares leading to problems. My tendon basically lost its flexibility and strength...so on ward to PT starting tomorrow. And a hard decision to only race 10/5 ks and sprint triatholons. Putting halfs on hold for the year tell I help the tendon and gain strength then smartly work back into long distances again. Basically not treating the problem could lead to serious damage.

8) A fun find on the MRI...and ovarian cyst...fortunately its getting better on its own :)

***So enough with all the negativity...its been one of those months...and I have just stuck my head in the ground***

But after an argument with someone close to me about being negative all the time...its time to take my own words of advice to heart.

Put the negative to the side...focus on the good...move forward and keep doing good...keep praying....focus on the good....and let the blessings flow.

So what now....Simple work towards a bright future....council on my knees with the lord...study...serve...visit the temple...work out....and....

The beginning of a fun challenge:

Only focusing on the good and pushing all negative out my life....

How: (Thoughts I have had)
*Watch inspiring/happy/funny movies, shows
*Listen to uplifting happy songs
*Read only positive books
*Not read negative sad news stories
*Unless its a work or church calling conversation or one you really cant get out of....remove my self from negative conversations
*Seek out positive thoughts
*Avoid negative
*Count my blessings daily
*Accentuate the positive
*Avoid complaining, arguing, criticism, negative talk, back biting, etc
*Avoid negative conversations and people, etc (FYI its not that I dont care, I just dont like being dragged down)
*Try my 100 days of what makes me happy posts again

***Why keep the negative around***

I think you get the point. I heard of a challenge like this in church and loved the idea.

Im open for great talks, quotes, etc so do share.