A Broken Record with a Broken Goal

Thats right I am going to sound like a broken record here....

I WANT to get into shape and lose weight again.

I WANT to be back to my formal atheltic body.

Its not just about wants its about needs.

I NEED to get into shape and lose weight.

I NEED to be back to my formal athletic body.

Why do I need to...cause thats when my body is at its best. Thats when I feel best about my self. Thats when I felt most confident and attractive. Thats when Im not obssessed about the number on my scale. Thats when I feel at peace, calm and gitty happy (yes more happy then I am now) because of all the feel goods that run through my body.

Why do I need to.....because my body needs me to. I feel like I have been sicker, more injured, more lazy, more tired sense I put on weight.

Why do I need to.....I want to start a family in the future but want to carry a baby in the healthiest body possible for the healthiest start possible for that child.

Why do I need to....Becuase the junky food, candy, and soda I now have a bad habbit of eating is litteraly poison to my body. Its an ok treat....but a poison when consumed daily.

Why do I need to...I want to live a long life and fend off heart disease, diabetes, and cancer.

Why do I need to....I cant afford to buy a new wardrobe if I get to big for what I currently own. But I a whole wardrobe set for me when I retrun to my former weight.

Why do I need to....my budget cant support junk food and gas station runs when I would rather have money for adventures and dates with my loving husband.



So here I go!!! I have spent this week as a practice week. I have meet my work out goals...now to get back to full sling working out and not juse my slow return to it this week was!! I have worked hard to eat better during the work days!!

I know I can do it so now its time to go public and hold my self publicly accountable.


And for inspiration when I want food, or any of you who want to join me in this feet should read.


My body woke me up when the sky was still dark and my house was quiet.

Take me for a walk?

It asked.

I shuffled about in the shadows of my house putting on shoes, finding a shirt, throwing on a jacket, pulling up my hair.

Outside was spring-like, not the bone-chilling reception we've had these past few months.
The birds were up too, perched high in the bare trees, chatty, noisy little things.

I walked and walked, talked myself into climbing up an inclined street until I reached the top and looked out onto my still, frosted town. The red-roofed library, the stacked Kimball tower, the dark sky-scraping Nu Skin building, the white rounded temple, all in my view. I stopped and listened to the drumming of heartbeats in my ears.

That's when my body started talking to me.

You've got to trust me.

It told me.

When I am hungry, I will tell you.

You'll hear it in chambered echoes, grumbles and moans.

DON'T FEED ME until you hear my call.

When I am lonely, I will tell you.

A lump will well up in your throat, like you've swallowed cotton, and tears will form in your eyes.

DON'T FEED ME. Try making a connection with the fine collection of friends you love.

When I am anxious, I will tell you.

Your heart will beat fast, your breath will struggle to leave the lungs and you might feel full of fire.

DON'T FEED ME. Instead, sit down and fight for those breaths. Let the oxygen pour into you — clearing the veins and vessels. Close your eyes. Identify the fear that is squeezing you.

When I feel depressed, I will tell you.

There will be a significant lack of energy, a slumpy reaction to bed-leaving. My mind will slow down and thoughts will become like black puffy clouds.

DON'T FEED ME. Instead, fill your head back up with new thoughts, ideas from books and discussions. Replace the dirty fuel in your mind with clean energy.

When I feel stressed, I will tell you.

Like rubber bands squeezing around your cranium, your head throbbing, your stomach turning, your muscles tightening.

DON'T FEED ME. Instead, write it all out, everything you are feeling. Look over the list and examine.

When I feel sick, I will tell you.

Fevers, aches, pains and physical discomfort.

DON'T FEED ME. Take care of me, bathe me, give me lots of water and put me to bed.
When I feel happy, I will tell you.

Goose bumps infiltrate your skin, you will feel light and airy, propped up on energy, buzzing in your blood.

DON'T FEED ME. Use the excess vivacity to spread your sentiments to someone else.
When I need exercise, I will tell you.

Your legs will ache to be walked, your back will beg to be stretched, your heart will ask to be throbbed.

DON'T FEED ME. Walk me. And don't exercise me until I say so, please, or we will battle.

When I feel lazy, content, competitive, peaceful, overwhelmed, snippy, snappy, hot, cold, tired, frustrated, thirsty, full, beaming and bright, I will tell you.

DON'T FEED ME. None of these sentiments require food. Excess surplus will have to be stored. I will have to make more of us — human shelves in rolls and lumps — to organize the overflow intake. Don't make me do that, please. There are babies to feed, children to squeeze, a husband to kiss. Right now, we don't have a lot of steam to become a storage facility as well.

But when I feel hungry, I will send you a message of emptiness of stomach, dizziness of head, a sensation in your mouth extending into your throat that reads, I NEED FOOD. PLEASE DON'T STARVE ME.

Then, feed me.

Our Wedding Day!!

March 10 , 2012….a day I will never forget!!!

On this day I married the love of my life…Kyle Daniel Owens.

Our Wedding Day:

I got up bright and early, and apparently so did Kyle to head out and get my hair and makeup done so I could feel like a princess on my special day.

We had an early morning sealing time, 8:30. So Kyle and I had to be at the temple at 7:30 (so did my mom…poor women). We got there right on time for a fun round of feeling out paper work, and time in the celestial room and time spent talking with our sealer before the sealing. Can I say that I am always amazed and how organized the temple is!!!

Our sealer did a beautiful job. I loved how he touched on the importance of what we are doing there that day. That the sealing power is also a healing power…it heals families and heals individuals. He also touched on the sacrifice made by family so we could be in this place being sealed at this moment. This struck a special spot in my heart.

As I mentioned before there are times when temple work strikes me in the heart like when I got my endowments out. When the sealer mentioned this healing power my thoughts went to my Woodruff line. Setting in the temple that day was my mom’s family, those who were worthy to be there. I thought back to when they were there in the cealestial room when I took out my endowments a little over two years ago. It amazed me then and it amazed me again during our sealing what this means to me, my mom and her family.

Setting in the sealing room I again couldn’t help but think about my Great Grandfather Wilford Woodruff he gave so much to lead this church, come to Zion, etc not only as a profit but also as a father to path they way for his family to come so we could all be together in heaven. It hurts at times to think how much of his family, my moms ancestors, parents, aunts uncles, siblings, etc have fallen away from the church. My great grandfather gave so much to be sealed together for time and eternity…but individual choices of his posterity have left holes in that line and lots of hurts and pains. When I got my endowments out and was greeted by the handful of us Woodruffs who are now endowed I was hit by the thought that I am one more member of the Woodruff line who can now be with our Grandfather in Heaven. I am one more member who is not leaving a gap.

However, sitting in the sealing room next to my future husband and my mom I looked over at my Uncle Don, Aunt Cindy, Clarisa, David and Matt (the handful of us Woodruffs) and was hit by what I was doing that day. I was being sealed to my companion for time and all eternity. I and Kyle will in the future bring children in to this world, Clarissa and David have sweet Melody and Matt will soon marry Janel and together start their family. Here in this room I could see that sealing power is indeed a healing power. Though there are holes and hurt in the generations past us descendents of our Grandfather Wildford Woodruff are forging eternal families from this generation forward. The sealing power is binding us together and will bind our children and their children together for generations to come. The mistakes of parents and generations past are ones that need not be repeated. The sealing power truly has and will continue to heal our family.

I also thought on the power and what it meant for me to be there that day with Kyle. It meant that years of hurt, and hard choices were a thing of the past. I was being blessed for making some of the hardest decisions of my life in the years and even months previous. I was being blessed for the pain I had endured. I was being blessed for remaining righteous to my father. Though the hurt and pain of the previous years is still there and the past cant be erased it can be healed, has been healed and will continue to be healed. Again the sealing power is a healing power.

So you can see that the sealing was one emotional and happy moment in my life!!! How glad I am that we stuck it out so we could be sealed for time and eternity.

After the sealing was time for pictures. And how fun they were. I love how entertaining family pictures can be J After family pictures were to be picture time for Kyle and I. My mom and dad needed to head down and greet family and friends at the reception/luncheon. So the Bairds hung around. Kristina was so kind to help film the whole day and Mikayla became my designated dress holder!!!

After pictures we headed to the Cantebury Place for our Luncheon Reception. Can I tell you Im so glad we choose to do it this way. We invited around 140 guests for a formal luncheon.

We arrived a littled before the schedule start time and where able to have a chance to mingle with guests and family. How I loved it!!!

When it was time we headed in to a yummy lunch! Filled with Cake cutting, mingling, fun toasts by our parents and match maker Kyle with a very fun video tribute by Kristina and Brook.

After the fun we had a fun bubble send off and off to our Honeymoon weekend spent in Park City (I cant wait for the official honeymoon in a little over a month!!)

Ill post more pictures as soon as I get them.

Thanks for your love and support on our wonderful day!!

Wedding Preview

Now that we are nearing the end of March I should let the whole world know....I got married.

On March 10, 2012 Kyle and I were sealed for time and all eternity in the Bountiful Temple.

Ill post more cause I want to do this post justice. But here is a preview of the special day (thanks friends for your face book photos...I kind of stole them)

Thoughts I Want to Always Remember

My wedding is only in three more days!!! I can believe it.

I have looked forward to this day, well the idea of it for years but never thought for sure it would come. Over the years I had gotten involved in some long and complicated relationship. Each left a hole in my heart and soul that I never thought could be healed. Each left me way discouraged and confused. Ill be honest I never thought I would get married and if I ever did I was sure it would be with some guy that I had to settle for becuase it was the only chance to get married.

Last summer began with me feeling overly discouraged and heartbroken for many reasons with no hope on the horizon. Ill be honest I felt lost and confused about life. I didnt know where to go or how to put one foot in front of the other because I didnt know where to go or what I wanted. All I knew is that reality was hard and I didnt like it.

But deep down I had a tiny flicker of hope. For what I didnt know.

So at the time I decided to plan for a future of my own. I started looking into what I needed to do to improve my future. A lot of things, almost everything seemed to fall through. But I knew I needed to keep pressing forward one day at a time and explore a new option when each one failed.

Then last fall the best thing happened to me. A friend, that I will always hold a special place for in my heart for what he brought into my life, introduced me to the greatest man a live....Kyle.

On our first date I knew that everything in my future was going to be changing, brighter and fall into place. I knew in him there was future.... a grandur one then I could have ever imagined.

I have fallen in love with his tender heart, his love for me, his laid back and fun personality...and so much more.

Each day my love grows deeper and founder. A life with out him unimaginable...my future with him is full of only hope, excitement and lots and lots of love.

As I am approaching the dawn of wedding I find there are moments during the day where I stop and think. My heart gets full of excitement and love and total impatience for our wedding. I stop and imagine looking at him across the alter and my heart just melts with love. Inside of me I feel so much hope, brightness and peace for this amazing man I have found. When I picture this moment my heart melt with love and butterflies stir excitment in my stomach.

Right now is one of those moment...and I knew I needed to record it so I would never ever forget.

In a few short days I get to marry the man of my dreams...what I always imagined and so much more.